Damn it America!

We are not the wealthiest Nation … (with GDP per head)

Let’s ignore “Equatorial Guinea” because they have like two hundred people and I can’t point it out on a map. Come on, we are behind drunken Ireland now? Oh, and look, we are like $100 behind. I blame the currency exchange slapping us across the face! Damn you George W. Bush! (George W. Bush is so terrible as a President, that people look at his Father and say, “Eh! He wasn’t too bad!”)

And the United Arab Emirates? They may have a better GDP per capita, but at least in America you can LEGALLY do the following you can’t in the UAE: Kiss someone in public, be gay, sunbath, have sex with someone you aren’t married, practice the religion of your choice, criticize your leaders, and women can drive cars (well -maybe that last one isn’t so bad).

In fact, America, come on, we don’t even have the largest mall anymore! We invented the mall! And, no, yeah, we don’t even crack the Top 10? I mean, crap – we are losing to Jin Yuan and Cevahir? See below:

And, get this! The largest mall in America is in Minnesota. But, the largest mall is America is actually … drum roll … majority owned and operated by Canadians. Okay, I like Canadians and do not have a problem with this. We can call it even because – as I was driving up to Thunder Bay from Minnesota, after crossing the border the first three buildings I saw were 1) a bait anjd tackle shop, 2) gas station and 3) a HOME DEPOT! Canada felt like Minnesota more than I wanted it to. I wanted to go to a different country, and I got Canada.

Alright America — pick up the slack!