CNN’s Version of “This Week in Gossip” (May 10th Edition)

Jenna Bush gets hitched!
The blonder of the two Bush Twins is getting hitched. Yes, little Jenna Bush is marrying former Karl Rove intern/testicle-licker Henry Hager, the son of a tobacco executive. I wonder whose family has killed more people? The Bush’s Send-People-Off-to-War Family or the Hager’s Tobacco Family? Would hell freeze over if they had a three-way with a gun lobbyists?

Rev. Al Sharpton Owes Millions in back taxes!
If I have learned anything from Al Sharpton over the years it is that nothing is his fault. Despite million-plus dollars he made last year, he is a poor victim of “the system.” And, in no way should he have to pay taxes to support a system that works against him, right? In Al’s defense, he probably didn’t pay his taxes because he was too busy making a big deal out of nothing or too busy setting the black community back 10 years.

High-up Navy Admiral Gets His Socks Blown Off In the White House!
For the life of me, I can’t figure out why this is on the front page of CNN … basically a Navy Admiral, who stayed at the White House, slept with some women he wasn’t married too. He had an affair and lied about it so his wife wouldn’t find out. Get this … IT HAPPENED IN 1990! Yes, the news was released today. So, the front page of CNN is basically telling me: “The Most Important Thing Going On Right Now Is About A Guy Who Got F’ed In the White House 18 Years Ago.” If the guy needs to be punished by the White House and/or the Navy, fine, go ahead and roast the guy. But this is not news.

YOU ARE CNN … NOT E! NEWS. PLEASE STOP REPORTING ON THIS GARBAGE!

Cheers.