Wedding Crashers

Jordan has just been added to the roster of Marc and Amy’s wedding. And as such was entitled to write a very humorous email that snowballed. Here is the email conversation between Jordan, Amy and myself. Jordan is a funny mutha.

On 1/15/08 9:18 AM, Jordan wrote:

Mr. and soon to be Mrs. Sandau,

I regret to inform you that the agreement to the position of “Usher” at your marital ceremony was made in hast. Mr. Clavel and I have formed an Ushers Union (UU) and will strike unless our demands are met. We feel that the demands are fair and in the best interest to all involved.

Demand 1:
There should be a favorable ratio of girls to guys at the Wedding and Reception. Meaning a lot more girls than guys, a lot more.

(preferable with low standards and inhibitions per request of Mr. Clavel, not me)

Demand 2:
There should also be a favorable ratio of Journey/Bon Jovi/The song: ” I just died in your Arms Tonight” by Cutting Crew/Kenny Chesney to NON-Journey/Bon Jovi/The song:” I just died in your Arms Tonight” by Cutting Crew/Kenny Chesney songs.

Demand 3:
And urgent invitation be sent to our mutual friend Mister Duff. I have been informed that his invitation can be sent to the Honolulu Tavern, Honolulu, Hawaii.

Demand 4:
Myself and Mr. Clavel be allowed to consume massive amounts of alcohol and be excused for any behavior that may result there after.

Demand 5:
Mr. Clavel, Myself, and possibly Mr. Stimac be given speech privileges for the duration of the reception and dance.

Demand 6:
I am personally demanding the number 1 overall draft pick in any future madden fantasy drafts, in which case I will promptly chose Byron Leftwich QB, should he no long exist within the game he will be promptly created distributing to him the appropriate skill levels, chosen by myself.

Demand 7:
Andrew can’t participate in any future Madden Fantasy Draft, due to time constraints.

Demand 8:
Instead the boring Cannon in D Amy will walk down the aisle to the Ending song of Terminator 2: Judgment Day.

Demand 9:
During my final exit of the night I will be accompanied by The Sad Walking Away Song From The Incredible Hulk.

Demand 10:
A video documentary should be made of the Wedding and Reception, then edited in the form of a montage of all of the girls that Mr. Clavel and myself hook up with, set to the song “Party Like a Rock Star” by Shop Boyz

The Union has spoken, the ball is in your court now!

On 1/15/08 9:29 AM, “Brady” wrote:

Two demands were left out of previous official email:

Demand 10:
Jordan Hanlon and Brady Clavel feel the only proper attire for this occasion is to mimic the tuxes wore by Mr. Jim Carrey and Mr. Harry Dunne in the cinema classic “Dumb and Dumber.” Preferably with Mr. Hanlon in the peach and Mr. Clavel in the baby Blue.

Demand 11:
In addition to Demand 2, there should also included in the song lineup Superman by Soulja Boy to be played at regular intervals during said reception as we have been working on the chorography for well over two months now.

On 1/15/08 9:37 AM, Amy wrote:

Because Mr. Sandau and I are the decision makers in this case, we will take into consideration your demands and do what we can to reach a fair and appropriate compromise. I assure you that your requests will be taken seriously and will be considered.

Thank you,
Soon to be Mrs. Sandau

PS… im pretty sure i fell out of my chair laughing at this email. I also fwd it to Marc at work, and he called me laughing.

On 1/15/08 10:02 AM, Brady wrote:

The Duluth area Ushers of America thank you for your consideration. We would also like to verify your position under one possible scenario. Under Article 14 section 23 subsection 5 of the most recent code of Weddings as published in ‘Martha Stewarts Wedding’ parents of the bride are responsible for bailing out (of bribing to achieve such end) any wedding party personal incarcerated at or in immediate area of said event. We ask this because one of the Co chairs of UU, who will remain anonymous, has a tendency of passing out on coaches under security cameras. We must see if you will be willing to retrieve said individual  after standard 48 detox period has elapsed. Thank you in advanced for your prompt response. UU of America

The Ushers Union of America is a proud supporter of the Writers Guild of America and our Troops.

On 1/15/08 10:32 AM, Brady wrote:

My secretary has been fired do to inability to write what I dictate properly. Previous email is to say couches not coaches. Although funny, I apologize for this error.

On 1/15/08 1:04 PM, Jordan wrote:

I would also like to bring to you attention that Article 14 section 23 subsection 6 includes international fines, and fees as well, should any foreign authorities become involved. Again, should any current member of the UU become incarcerated in a foreign nation.

That is all.

On 1/16/08 8:40 PM, Brady wrote:

Oh and Amy good news! Rather then driving all the way down to the cities to get measured for a tux, a friend told me that the local Victoria Secret here in Duluth takes measurements for free! Im a 36 A. I thought it strange that only one number is needed for an entire tux but hey… Its free. Now how do I get the 20 dollar holding fee to you?

~Brady

Some very funny friends even with their wedding at stake.